My sister, eddy and traveller (?) tagged me and now i have to write a list of 10 wierd things. Ann had already listed a bunch of them on facebook lol, they were quite true - but Id rather post Fahims list (as requested by eddy =P)

“She can cook the most tastiest food but she would rather eat out

It takes an hour (atleast) to have her talk about whats on her mind

The house can be the biggest mess and she wont care, but she freaks out if she sees a beard hair!

She never ever ever watches the full movie, always passed out at the 40 min mark

Always wakes me up in the middle of the night to stand beside the washroom door   (I had these crazy fears when i was pregnant so if i had to use the washroom at night id wake him up…i dont think thats wierd though)

She wears sandals or flip flops - without socks - even in snow

Chocolate always works no matter how angry she is”

(The other three i will not mention =P)

Today at uni i received a call from Fahim and he heard his BEST friends voice (Shajee - if ur reading this i just want you to know i think you are a jerk) and he got so excited and was like “OMG thats my buddy! thats shajee’s voice! give him the phone!” i was shocked he could hear him and figure out at once who it is…so anyway, i walk upto him and im like “salamalykom, shajjee?” he figured out who i was and i thought he was going to pass out “Someone wants to speak to you” i said. And hes like…”uh..uh…i gotta go!” and some crap that doesnt matter. I was soo hurt, for fahim. I told him he asked me to wait right here and he will be back. Afcourse Fahim had heard him and he was very dissapointed…I am really really upset about it.

Alhamdulilaah alaa kulli haal.

Anyway i hope everybody is doing fine, thanks for emailing me and leaving msgs…yes im alive =)

This one Eid, we went to Jerard street to get clothes. Finaly after checking out a couple of stores I fell in love with this gorgeous pair of white shalwar kameez. It was simple and elegant. But I change my mind after i asked for the price which was well over a 100 bucks. I buy all my stuff top-notch - It’s all my dad and Fahim’s fault…they spoil me. But I could have bought like a really really nice pair for the same amount. So I told fahim im not going to get it, we’ll check out other stores. He asked me to go to the store next door and he will be there in a bit. We looked and looked but i couldnt find anything that Id be like “OH MY GOSH IM GETTIN IT!”. So, Fahim said he knew this other place that he would take me the next day. (Next day was Eid btw, I dont know why that didnt cross my mind at the time).

We came home. It was late at night when i was like “omg it’s eid tomorow and i dont have a dress”. I was really upset, really really really upset. He kissed me on my forehead and said he’ll take care of it. And i guess i was waiting for him to say that.

Next morning when i wake up, I didnt see him beside me which is like impossible unless Im waking up for fajr - Cuz he is the first one to wake up. I go to the living room and i see the same pair of shalwar kameez that i first wanted to get!. Laid out nicley on the couch. Man, I was like, on cloud nine. But he wasnt there, he was in the washroom. So when he comes out hes like “Dammit! you werent suppose to find out yet!”. He said he had gotten it the same night but wanted to surprise me.

….

Sometimes I think he deserves someone much much better than I...

…

[Not trying to make him look like this perfect husband, we've seen each other at our best and worst...but Id just like to remember the best]

Anyway, yeah…Have a wonderful Eid you all .

*Love you guys*

So since today is a special day - i wish fahim was here - i decided to take pics and share

This is the sauce for it -no no its not worms, it just- -uh- -it just looks like worms but really, its chicken

And this is me, stirring it so i can bring some sweetness to it

Enjoy!

SubhanAllaah…so true.

All those who did go… please, nothing personal =).

Note : It is not my intention to imply that i am “holier” than anyone who went. I was going to go, up until the last minute, its just that…I think personally for me, it would not have been any better than going to the Mall. So my apologese to those who did msg me and were offended. Its about me, and what’s going on in my life right now. I’m not judging anyone =).

**********************
Cute Hijabs, matching tight pants, perfectly manicured hands drumming restlessly to the beat of the latest Nasheed pop;
Nice rides, sipping café lattes, halaqas embraced in the depths of cozy rooms, speaking of distant dreams and privileged existences.
Do we know the real struggle?
ISNA club, throngs of fans milling air conditioned convention halls, pop star speakers glimmer in the spot light, beckoning distant hearts to spirituality and deeper lives; chastising in that “oh so mesmerizing voice”; as the crowd yells a deep bass “Takbir” followed by shrills of “Allahu Akbar”…
Do we really comprehend the Greatness of our Creator?
Trekking the globe in search of meaning, disenchanted existences within treasure filled homes, dreams of substance blocked by trivial minds; apathy radiates in different colors; squeezing potential out of our beings like deep soaked sponges inflated by muddy waters;
Can meaning seep into a suffocated heart?
Following zigzag paths of nothingness; in search of “Deen” or “the other half of my Deen” whatever comes first. So we step in style, mouthfuls of “Subhana Allah”; gleeful “Mashaallah”; echoing from empty hearts frenzied by empty lives.
Scratching the surface of submission; echoing lines from distant lives; dreams of greatness shelved away; as we pander our “Proud to Be Muslim” shirts; cheap prices for cheaper wares.
Pardon my jaded writing…perhaps I forgot the subtle depths of this struggle; as I begin to still the meaningless symbols clanging in my heart;
Please remind me:
Do rays of the Divine
ever
illuminate
these
darkened
c o r n e r s ?

Me : Yes I did, stop worrying about it…

Fahim : I do worry, about you…and it’s a worry i take pleasure in.

…

“……..Often are Sad eyes,
time, time again, teary and forlorn,
Sad eyes blurred battered,
weary, tearful and worn……..”

A valuable life lesson :
Do not ever, tell someone what you know/heard about them. Even if they are related to you. If you can fix it, fix it otherwise shut it. Like, lets say, A comes to you and tell you something about B. Now B is someone you personally know, and you want to tell B about whatever it is that you have been told about them, to confirm or whatever. Dont do it. It’s seriously a major cause of fitnah. It will not only create problems between A and B, but will create problems between you and A. And it might just be that A turns around and stabs you in the back (serves you well!) and spread some gossip about you to B, and now you and B are on bad terms as well.

So, before you get yourself into all that mess, please keep quiet about anything that does not involve you. =)

Life will be so much easier. One less headache.

Fahim : Man, I call after two days and this is how you are?

Me : Yeah, whatever, and now you’re going to be all mad too right? and Im gonna cry all day

Fahim : Yeah? Good for you. Cry all you want. I hope you cry all day.

And that’s when the guard is like “Time’s up. Say I love you bye bye” and all of a sudden…

Fahim : Promise me you wont cry! Promise me!

Me : yeah

Fahim : Mariya! Promise me I said!

Me : I promise I promise!

..

Um…Yeah I just thought that was so cute of him.

…sigh…

Alhamdulillaah `alaa Kulli Haal…

Uh…this is just a random post..

I was just thinking that, we read books…we read stories on how some of the greatest people on earth lived their lives…how they dealt with calamities etc and we think that prepares us to face tough situations to an extent. But from my experience, all that you read and all that people say to you does not matter, does not effect you even a little when you truly are being tested. I mean, yes they are an example to us…but when people tell you “others have gone through it, you will too” that only aggravates the situation. Because unless you are the one in the situation, you will never have an idea how excruciating it is, thus you will not know how to handle it. How to react.

My point is, nothing and no one can prepare you for tough times, except Life. When life puts you in a situation, let it teach you how to deal with it. The first step though, is to accept it. Accept Qadr. You cannot change the past. All those who have reached the point where, you look at their faces and you see a comforting smile, you see them live their lives as if they have everything in the world yet these are the same people who have lost the most precious of things in their lives – forever. You will see tears in their eyes but you will not hear them complain. These same people – if you hear their stories, you will not find that they had that same strength, the same level of patience, tawakkul in Allaah that they have now. Rather, they have gone through a lot, they have had their highs and lows, they have had their times when they wanted to give up, they have had times of anger, of denial. It is a long and intense process that requires a tremendous amount of effort. Like they say No one is born a saint, they are self made (with the help of Allaah).

Believe in yourself. Have faith in yourself that, you can achieve what others thought possible. You can live through anything, because first and foremost, we are Muslims and we are believers and so we already have one guarantee that as long as we believe, we have Allaah. Your existence in itself is proof enough that you are able to take it; otherwise you would not have come so far.

For me, it certainly was a long process – it’s been six months now - and it still is but atleast I think I have come to terms with the situation I am in. I felt guilty; that I did not live up to the standards I had set for myself. To be patient, to…handle the situation with… grace so to speak. But like I mentioned above, you have to reach that point – all the way up there – but you gotta take it one step at a time and it does not get any easier.

I would not even be standing here if it weren’t for the few people that have stuck around (Alhamdulillaah). I…uh…well I was thinking what I did, but the question is…what did I not do to them? I yelled…I complained, I blamed, I was really – excuse me – bitchy. But they let me. And they always told me I can do it. And they did not turn their back on me. They are very few…but they are very dear to me.

Don’t ever regret the past, learn from it cuz you’ll drive yourself crazy with all the “what if’s”. Have faith in yourself, in Allaah and He will make a way out for you from sources unimaginable. [ Quran : And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things ]

Forget what people think of you ( although always consider the feelings of people close to you, people that matter) Just remember, Your Honor and true value lies with Allaah.